Meet the team : Sheep

We're undergoing some changes and expansion in the team here at Hardcore Towers, so, please allow us to introduce some familiar faces and somenew ones over the coming weeks, beginning with Sheepy.


Sheepay McSheepington Van Der Sheep-Sheep the First BSc.
1987 -

Well known sexual deviant and serial drunkard Van Der Sheep-Sheep has been writing for us since pretty much the beginning.

Most famous as the current holder and four-time winner of the title of 'Sexiest man in NATO', Sheep lists his hobbies as; Keeping it real, Schooling white kids, bringing sexy back, verbally abusing women, colonic irrigation, poo-ing, drinking, reading The Times and masturbating to local parish council magazines.


Once reached number 12 in the charts in Uzbekistan with a surprise cover version of Vanilla Ice's hit, "Ice, Ice Baby". The song sold well due to limited spread of the English language preventing many listeners picking up that most of the lyrics had been rewritten to be about taking a shit. Ice later took legal action after the line "Check out my hook, while my DJ revolves it" was changed by Sheep into something still legally unprintable today. The case was later thrown out on the basis that Sheep kept it roughly 73% more real than Vanilla.

Currently in the employ of Her Majesty's Armed Forces of the United Kingdom Of Great Britain [.. and Northern Ireland and The British Dependencies.. on occasion], which is an incredibly respectable position to hold, Sheep is still characterised by the self-loathing and hard-living that invariably accompany utter brilliance.

Found medically incapable of making a mistake.


Once described by the bloke that sold Thora Hird her stairlift as "a complete bastard", Sheep maintains that the disputed stairwell remained his property and Thora should have "got a fucking grip of herself". Later attended Hird's funeral purely to announce that he had indeed had the last laugh, as he had so often threatened. Little else of this feud has come to light.

We hope you enjoy his articles, he doesn't really care either way.

Freebie Friday.. at last!

Ok, so its competition time people.

To win our surprising stash of blagged but pointless goodies we need you to get all interactive. Before we start this competition has no real right or wrong answer so we can't favour people we know and our families are not eligible to enter, plus its free so what have you got to lose?

The challenge is this, week in and week out Sheepy gets drunk, he is clearly a smart guy, and theres nothing wrong with enjoying a drink, however he does tend to get.. well.. destroyed.

So, your task is to make sense of any ONE of the drunken texts messages he has sent me that I've reprinted below. The winner will be picked by ALL the bloggers unanimously and only entries to hardcreeffect@live.co.uk will be eligible, please include your name, age and country of residence.

As for your entries you can perhaps take a guess as to what he is talking about, what he is doing as he writes or simply make something up that will make us laugh, here are your options, take your pick (blatantly obvious and unimaginitive answers will be disregarded);

a) "Netto is Ghetto"
b) "...and he draws horrible cartoons of you, and wraps them up in sausage meat and calls you a sausage muncher.."
c) "so I said, you're a sell-out, retail loving, cuntish, bastard"
d) "oh dear, you might have accidentally caught a glimpse of my rippling abs.."
e) "That is just massively disrespectful to your trousers"
f) "Im coming for you.. maybe not now.. but soon, but I didnt rob your Grandad' house nor did I kidnap that 8ft snowman"

Not easy eh? well good, because its harder than you think blagging stuff so you're gonna hvae to work for it. Cheers