Sheepay McSheepington Van Der Sheep-Sheep the First BSc.
1987 -
Well known sexual deviant and serial drunkard Van Der Sheep-Sheep has been writing for us since pretty much the beginning.
Most famous as the current holder and four-time winner of the title of 'Sexiest man in NATO', Sheep lists his hobbies as; Keeping it real, Schooling white kids, bringing sexy back, verbally abusing women, colonic irrigation, poo-ing, drinking, reading The Times and masturbating to local parish council magazines.
Once reached number 12 in the charts in Uzbekistan with a surprise cover version of Vanilla Ice's hit, "Ice, Ice Baby". The song sold well due to limited spread of the English language preventing many listeners picking up that most of the lyrics had been rewritten to be about taking a shit. Ice later took legal action after the line "Check out my hook, while my DJ revolves it" was changed by Sheep into something still legally unprintable today. The case was later thrown out on the basis that Sheep kept it roughly 73% more real than Vanilla.
Currently in the employ of Her Majesty's Armed Forces of the United Kingdom Of Great Britain [.. and Northern Ireland and The British Dependencies.. on occasion], which is an incredibly respectable position to hold, Sheep is still characterised by the self-loathing and hard-living that invariably accompany utter brilliance.
Found medically incapable of making a mistake.
Once described by the bloke that sold Thora Hird her stairlift as "a complete bastard", Sheep maintains that the disputed stairwell remained his property and Thora should have "got a fucking grip of herself". Later attended Hird's funeral purely to announce that he had indeed had the last laugh, as he had so often threatened. Little else of this feud has come to light.
We hope you enjoy his articles, he doesn't really care either way.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment