Organic Chicken melts your face

Some people are naturally unfortunate, the sort that always seem to be down on their luck and having a hard time of it.

Gordon Brown springs to mind, with his regular verbal shoeings at the hands of a right wing, Tory owned media machine. I don't imagine Michael Barrymore has much to smile about either, sure he has loads of days off these days, but no-one will come to his pool parties. So, he went on Big Brother and went slowly mad.



David Cameron may be everyone's new best mate, but he has to walk around all day knowing that deep down, he's a bit of a twat. Fernando Torres has to deal with having hair like a girl and being Spanish. Alan Titchmarsh has wasted his life in flower beds, ignoring Charlie Dimmock's barely contained breasts to potter around in a shed like a cock muttering "Oooh.. wheres my Trowel?", all the while his wife is in bed with the milkman.



Its not even strictly applicable to people, I don't imagine being a Koala bear is all that great to be honest. Spending all day in one of the world's hottest climates, wearing a fur coat you can't remove and waking only to chomp on Eucalyptus, which aside from having the nutritional benefit of water, makes them high. So high, infact, that if they see anything that isn't another koala or a eucalyptus tree they get so scared they give themselves Chlamydia. Thats no fun at all, being tired and sweaty all day while rocking a sex disease you caught without actually having sex.

However, the award for "Git we'd least like to be" goes to that floppy haired, tofu munching ponce, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall.

Aside from being a bit of a dick, poor Hugh still appears on TV, oblivious to the fact that his habit of eating shit he finds in his garden has melted his face.

Hugh's mission statement in life is to make sure we all wear sandals, eat organic food we grow on roundabouts in the middle of a city and give up our gardens so chickens can dick around and ruin them.

I heard him only the other day, blithering on about how its everyones responsibility to eat well, and source food from free-range, organic, hippy communes and that such behaviour is not simply the preserve of the wealthy. He explained this while trying to showsome inner city dwellers, that killing and gutting a chicken you raised yourself, and turning it into a nice bit of Coq-Au-Vin was far better and more rewarding than dropping into KFC. This is plainly bollocks.

Clearly, Mr. Whittingstall has never tried the Colnel's secret blend of 14 herbs and spices.

Plus, maybe doing such a thing is better, in the same way that building a shelving unit from Ikea is better than buying one built by someone who knows what they're doing, who gets other men to drop it round your house and put it in, while you eat a pie. In that it isn't better at all.

Its also all well and good saying that its irresponsible to tamper with nature and not eat correctly. Well I have news Hugh, what is fucking irresponsible is growing crops that produce smaller harvests and have a tendency to die for no real reason when we have famine on the go in Africa and the like. Furthermore, there is a finite amount of space in the world and the population is on the rise dramatically. How can we feed these people on organic hens that have several acres to play in? We'd all have to live in concentration camps and tree houses.

I know I'm a bit of a Socialist, I don't like injustice and I quite like animals, in a way. Yet, while farmed meat isn't perhaps treated as well as I'd like. I think that human beings have certain qualities that elevate them above poultry, animals so stupid that technically, they can function without a head. If thats elitist, then I'm sorry.

Ignoring all this stuff though, you must realise that most of the people in the world aren't quite as wealthy as you, thus when the choice comes down to £2.39 smartprice chicken fillets, murdered by Mr. Matthews, or Free range organic chicken costing a million pounds. People with a brain and a limited income will always feed their families for mroe than one day a week, meaning the cheaper option is the only option. I know you believe that if we all went organic, more people would grow it and it'd be cheaper... but it won't.

On top of that, even science says its pointless, because organic veg has no added benefit in terms of nutrition.

I'm from a generation that grew up eating e numbers, too much salt and artificial colourings and guess what, we turned out ok.