The Hardcore Guide to Politics

With all the political turmoil going on these days, I thought it was about time your old uncle Benji lifted the fog a little on the basics of politics.

The first thing anyone must remember is that despite what you see in the news and what is said in the paper, you have to look past it. Try and think about who wrote the article, filmed the piece or who owns that particular media outlet, I assure you they'll con you if it gets the result thats best for them.

So, lets strip all the crap away and look at it at a basic, bullshit free level.

ANARCHY
We'll start with anarchists, for some reason, probably the PR machines of the other political factions, when people think of anarchy they think of disorder and street violence. Anarchy is actually the principle that people should be allowed to govern themselves without the interference of a central government. No Tax - Good, No Corporations - Good, its all looking pretty good so far, but remember without an interfering central government, who'll bother to build roads, build an dstaff schools and hospitals? I'm sure anarchists have a solution for this, but I am not aware of it, and I'd urge you not to judge it purely on my portrayal.

COMMUNISM
Communism, like socialism and anarchy, is a political system that has undergone a massively successful character assasination campaign by western governments and corporations. Often confused with Stalinism [which as we all know isn't very nice], Communism actually works on the tenet that everything becomes property of the state. In very simple terms, If there were ten people in a country, those ten people would each be given a 1/10th share of all the companies and factories in the land. In actuality it doesn't quite work like that, but the base principle is that if these things are in the hands of the people rather than a group of obscenely wealthy business men, Fair wages will be paid, which results in greater job satisfction.. and if you are making butter, for a state controlled [owned by all the people] butter company, and you are going to have to buy the end product, you'll be damned if its going to be anything less than the greatest butter in the world. It doesn't outlaw being rich as such, but its a system that attempts to keep the differecnes between rich and poor as small as possible so that everyone is comfortable. there has only ever been ONE TRULY communist government.. in Chile.. and it worked so well that the CIA are reputed to have been assigned to bring it down. Can't have that on the doorstep of capitalism can we?

SOCIALISM
Socialism, again like Commnism, gets a lot of bad press. Its seen as somehow "Unpatriotic" to be a socialist. Yet, lets be fair, you are probably reading this in a western country, ruled by a government of rich men who are privately educated. They'll be damned if they are going to let you get big ideas and sweep their cushy lives from under them.
The vast majority of people are Socialists [Einstein and Martin Luther-King included], even if they don't think they are, they do reguarly claim to be in favour of what are basic Socialist policies. Socialism stops a bit shorter on the money front than Communism. Its ok to earn a good solid wage. They agree that a rocket scientist should be paid more than the lady who brings the tea.. what Socialists believe is that the tea lady, regardless of her place or circumstances of birth, should have the same opportunity to become a a rocket scientist if she so chose. If shes bad at it? ok, but at least she was allowed to try and wasn't kept out of the best schools purely because Daddy couldn't afford to make a "donation".

LIBERALISM
Again, a bit less Socialist than Socialism, but basically the same. The problem with all the left wing philosophies is that they believe there is goodness and intelligence in everyone. So this is how we end up with murderers being taken out of prison to learn to be a carpetner, and young offenders get taken to disneyland because they aren't bad, just neglected. They are generally in favour of immigration, and see the world as one big community. Somewhat soft on crime and in favour of political correctness.

CONSERVATISM
Now we enter right wing territory. Conservatives, are in favour of big business. They like immigration, but won't admit to it, they like it becasue if a country has a large pool of labour available to fill jobs, the rich people who vote for them won't have to pay such high wages. Google Margaret Thatcher and you'll get the picture of how this works, or see my blog entitled "David Cameron is a Penis". They sell themselves on nationalism and pride. There is a clue to their intentions in their name.. Conservatives.. They are wealthy, and they want it to stay that way. Here in England, they take the police off patrol in poor areas, tried to remove our right to free healthcare because their rich friends can afford to go private and don't much care for funding everyone elses healthcare, attempted to convince us that the introduction of a minimum wage would bankrupt companies and result in mass unemployment. What is also true is that they have been receiving cash donations for their respective campaigns.. from a series of dodgy people, many of whom are heavily linked to the current global economic crisis, in that they caused it and got very, very rich off our misery.

However, if you are quite well off or own a business, I can totally understand if you vote this way. I sympathise too, many of these people have lived privilged lives and so can't relate to us poor folk. I do understand how people are duped into voting this way, I also understand why people would choose. Again, remember I am being a bit biased becaus eof my families usffering under this kind of government.. do some impartial research.

FACISM
Finally, we arrive in the land of the fascist. Hitler was a prominent fascist, as was Mussolini. They harbour a strong "Us & Them" Mentality. Hitler, despite being Austrian, believed that Germany was for Germans.

He later loosened this and like most modern Facists, believes in a "European Brotherhood". Ranging in intensity from a mild refusal to co-operate with non white/non christian countries, to full on ethnic cleansing a la the holocaust to keep Europe "pure".

If you were German, to be honest, Hitler did alright for you. He promised jobs, he made them, he invented the Volkswagen Beetle, the Autobahn and alot of military tactics still used today. He united Germans and despite my hatred for the man, I have to say, he did a good job in Germany all round. It was his intolerance that caused most of his problems.

In summary, do a bit of research and use your common sense. As much as it may be tempting to read a holocaust denial piece written by a man who claims Australia is a fictional country, use your brain and realise thats just mental.

Look into who truly has the best intentions, and not who kisses the most babies.

oh, and one last piece of advice, just let me clear some jargon;

Tax Cuts - sound nice, actually aren't. They may give you 1p back out fo every pound you earn, but if you earn £100 a week, you are only £1 better off. Yet if you earn £20,000 a week.. well you get the picture

Cuts to public spending - Ermm.. sounds good again, saving money? lower taxes, right? well this is actually the area where you WANT to be spending money. Public spending is hospitals, schools, the police, the army. Don't forget that.

Finally, good luck, its a jungle out there.