The Football

Ever since Euro 2008 finished there's been something missing from the blog. That something, quite obviously is football. I mean, what is life without football? What would us lads do on a weekend if we didn't have a solid excuse to leave our wenches in their element in the kitchen and go get lashed down the pub? It doesn't bear thinking about.

So from now on I will bringing you a weekly update on the all the matches. Obviously I don't get to see all of the matches so I will be piecing together information from highlights and the premier league website.

This weeks games;

Villa 2 - West Brom 1

Villa have broken into the top 4 recently (deservedly) and have been playing fantastically. I have two of their players in my fantasy football team (Young and Agbonlahor). They seem to be hogging all of the English talent and using it well. On this occasion though, they needed a little help from the only goalkeeper in the Premier league stupid enough to score an own goal - our very own Scott Carson. Possibly the worst goalkeeper since Lehmann. Carson; you make Paul Robinson look good.

Aresnal 1 - Bolton 0

Bolton played their now famous 10 - 0 - 0 formation and Aresnal showed why they're losing their grip on the top four by taking 83 minutes to score against a side that only had fifteen fit players in all. That's about all their is to say. Shit game.

Everton 2 - Hull 0

Fellaini; what a hero. The first player this season to score a goal using a ridiculous haircut, his afro guiding the ball into the net for Everton's first. He then got his tenth booking of the season for having his gangly legs reach face height of the opposing player one time too many. Arteta scored the second from a free kick. It was nice.

Mibblesboro 1 - Sunderland 1

I can't really say much about this game, I was viewing it more as a battle than a game of football. Next time your kids want to watch the wrestling, take them to see these two teams play instead; it's cheaper and it's real. Three players went off injured, one with a head injury. Brilliant.

Newcastle 2 - West Ham 2

Two sides who struggled earlier in the season put in decent performances here grabbing two goals each. West Ham will do well to stick hold of Bellamy during the transfer window as he showed his quality again. Newcastle's Andy Carroll became the second player this season to score using a dodgy haircut as he headed in the equaliser sporting the 'white guy with cornrows' look.

Stoke 0 - Thieving Scouse bastards 0

Rafa Benitez made a fool of himself again this week by having a rant at Fergie for the United manager's 'Liverpool will lose their nerve' speech, just before Liverpool did indeed lose their nerve by failing to score against Stoke for the second time this season. Well done Rafa, keep it up mate.

Wigan 1 - Spurs 0

'Defoe always scores on his debut' - That comment has now been proven to be absolute bollocks. Figueroa, the Latics' left-back securing the win in injury time. Not a brilliant game, glad I dropped Defoe from my FF team.

Man U 3 - Chelsea 0

Best result of the season bar none. Chelsea are old and tired - and it shows. They got laced by the champions of the world. Vidic, Rooney and Berbatov all scoring in this comfortable win. Chelsea were shit, they didn't manage one shot on target, bet they wish Mourinhio was still the manager. The best moment of the game was definitely Drogba's imaginary shot. Threw his foot at the ball 8 yards out, achieving only the slightest of touches and a large laugh from the crowd. The one person wearing a Chelsea shirt in my local was gutted, everyone else was extremely chuffed.

Man U 1 - Wigan 0

Rooney showed he is true legend by scoring within a minute and then booking himself three weeks paid leave with a hamstring injury within six. Wigan fought back well but couldn't find a goal. Jonny Evans again showed us the future of United with another great performance. Man U sit second in the league with a game in hand; Liverpool are shitting themselves now.

Muppet of the week - Carson; all round embarrassment.

Legend of the week - Fellaini; for scoring whilst sporting an afro.

Manager of the week - Fergie; for making Benitez look like a twat, again.

My FF team for next week -

Schwarzer (FU)

Bosingwa (CH) Vidic(MU) Laursen (AV)

Valencia (WA) Young (AV) Kuyt (LI) Geovanni (HU)

Zaki (WA) Van Persie (AR) Agbonlahor (AV)

Subs - Gordon (SU - Injured) Ireland (MC Suspended) Turner (HU) Paintsil (FU)

*Please note that this is my actual FF team and not my 'Dream team' - No Liverpool player would come anywhere near that, but hey, I'm working on a budget.

The Hardcore Effect meets- The Guild: Day 2 Amy Okuda

Today, we get the lowdown on what's what from dancer, actress and grade 1 hottie, Amy Okuda.


Amy plays feisty Tinkerballa, a character full of attitude with a healthy competetive streak.. luckily for us, she turned out to be lovely in reality.

Born in Torrance, California. Amy began dancing when she was 13 and shortly got an agent, which eventually led to appearances in television commercials, music video as a dancer, and print as a model. She has booked an array of print jobs around the globe, such as ads for Apple laptop computers, Verizon, and for Jamie Kenedy’s “Kicking it Old School.” Also in her resume are commercials such as Shoe Carnival, Japanese soft-drink company Suntory,and voice-over for AT&T. More recently she has also landed a role in the TV show “Californication” with David Duchovy. “The Guild” is her first recurring role. Amy hopes to continue her wide sphere of activity, especially in her pursuits of acting.

We fired over a short e-mail and so heres the interview.. proving conclusively that you don't ask.. you don't get. enjoy.

Hardcore effect: First and foremost, huge congrats on winning our "Best Thing On the Internet Award", we hope you are as stoked about getting it as we are about giving it to you. With all that porn out there, who'd have thought it? Anyway, how does it feel to be crowned top dogs? How will you celebrate? Because you so should celebrate.

Amy - YAY!! Me and Robin will be partying...the rest of the cast may be playing WOW.. hAHAHHAA. Jk


Throughout this interview, we'll be firing some pretty odd questions your way, we figured you'd be tired of the same old questions and so we'll do our best to keep it fresh.. like this; Its a fight to the death, we've all been there. Which cast member would win?

-me, DUH. LOL


We're sure you must get a lot of positive feedback, but as we know all too well, the net is also full of morons. How do you deal with negative comments? Do you find heavy criticism a problem?

- I actually dont read much stuff about us, because I dont think ill take the negative comments too well. haha. when we were on YouTube I made sure not to read ANY comments below the video, cause unlike my character Tink, I'm too sensitive!!!

Last Summer, we wrote a guide to being metrosexual. Clearly,we understand the importance of looking "freaky, sexy good" at all times. Who spends the longest sorting their appearance before getting down to work?

-Definitely the three boys. They are always hogging that make-up chair!! HAHA TOTALLY KIDDING


We have discovered that no story involving 14 beers and take-out food has a happy ending. Do you guys ever partake in wild parties and nights around town after shooting?

-umm, not too often but me, Robin, Sandeep, Jeff, and couple of our friends had fun one night after Blizzcon drinking and playing the game "Never Have I Ever" at the hotel. Had some good laughs there.


We once received a bit of coverage during the BBC's coverage of cricket, sparking a huge debate about baked goods, what is the weirdest thing any of you have had to do in promoting the Guild?

-Luckily, nothing that wierd. Just telling our friends and family to watch the show, you know, the boring stuff :)


Picture the scene: You book a short break to Europe, just to take sometime for yourselves, but there's a mistake and you end up in the small industrial town of Delmenhorst, famous for linoleum production. What would you do to amuse yourselves?

-Drinking age in Europe is 18 right? :)


Speaking of Europe, we'd love to hear your opinions if you've ever been our way? The Welsh once saved Ravi's life

-Aww my dream is to go to Europe!! I definitely want to visit Italy (so romantic :)), and France of course (Fashion Capital of the world!!)


You may not be aware, but you are our first guests to escape the dreaded Dangerwank question. Its on google, but we'd hate to be the source of any accidents, no-one needs another Micheal Hutchence, but less about us, who do you all take most inspiration from?

-My Dog Lola. She dominates the world. lol


Ravi, Adam and I recently started a short lived Austro-German Lounge-jazz-funk-fusion ensemble, replete with spangly jackets, keytars, handlebar moustaches and mullets. How much would you each charge, were we to approach you about appearing in a music video? We could offer all the currywurst you can eat.

-I'd love to be in a music video! im a dancer, so im all about that!!

Let's get straight to the point, you're a grade 1 hottie. Has being in the show increased the number of drooling men you've had to avoid in the street?

-OMG, I definitely don't consider myself a "grade 1 hottie" AT ALL. I think i still look like a 12 year old boy!!! But to be honest, I had the most boys chasing me around in elementary school when I thought boys were disgusting. Now that I'm actually interested in boys, not so much...lol


Your character has a rather feisty attitude. Does this kind of role come naturally to you?

-It does in a way. Dont get me wrong, I am not like Tink at all in real life (Im nice, i swear!). But Tink definitely reminds me of how I was when I was younger. I was really into sports and was really competitive, mean, and did not take crap from anyone. Luckily, I grew out of that, which is good, since i probably wouldnt have any friends if i stayed that way!


We saw you in Californication, another great show. We hear David Duchovny is taller in real-life. Is that true? How was your experience on the show?

-Oh, I didnt know people thought he was short? LOL . It was really fun, I mean I only had one line, but they gave me like my own little trailor which was exciting. Watching David Duchovny rehearse and actually work was really cool too. All we get to see on TV is the finished product, and the actors' best take, but being able to see the process the actors go through to get to that best take is really interesting.


Which member of the cast of The Guild has impressed you most?

-Well I absolutely LOVE what Sandeep does with his character, Zaboo. And the fact that acting isnt his "thing" is mind blowing (he mainly a writer, director, producer?) But I think every single cast member is great :)


Away from filming, whats your favourite thing to do to relax?

-SHOPPING. Its really bad, but i just cant help it. I need The Guild to make me more money to support this horrible and dangerous addiction. haha


What are your plans for the future? Where can we catch you on the net or TV aside from in The Guild? or is some "Amy time" in order?

-For now, some "Amy Time" is definitely in order. Im going to school at the University of Southern California full time, which takes up a lot of my time. I'm just living and loving my college years and when I graduate, then maybe I can start really concentrating on acting. I'm a film major, so I know I want to stay in the industry, whether I'm acting, or doing something behind the camera.

Kate Nash on "The Street" #3

Yes the photos are still coming in thick and fast as working man's favourite, Kate Nash continues her relentless PR crusade to show us all how bad-ass street she truly is.

Here we see her posing with longtime friend of the blog and bongo genius, Simon Archer, outside Argos. Possibly after buying herself a thick Elizabeth Duke gold chain, sovereign ring and In-car speaker system.. although thats just speculation.

The Hardcore Effect meets: The Guild. Day 1 - Sandeep Parikh

Over the coming days, we'll be bringing you exclusive.. if a little bizarre interviews with the cast and production team of Xbox live hit and all round top show; The Guild.


First up is Mr. Sandeep Parikh. Sandeep plays Zaboo, troubled mother's boy and borderline sex pest.

He’s primarily a writer/director. His latest creation is the Comedy Central produced webseries, The Legend of Neil which is about a guy who gets sucked into Zelda. Sandeep also founded and runs EffinFunny, a stand up and sketch comedy community. He’s currently in talks with everybody about producing everything. He’s repped at William Morris. They’re busy so don’t call. Unless its about Sandeep, then do call.

We caught up with him to find out just how stoked he is to receive our "Best thing on the internet" award.

First and foremost, huge congrats on winning our "Best Thing On the Internet Award", we hope you are as stoked about getting it as we are about giving it to you. With all that porn out there, who'd have thought it? Anyway, how does it feel to be crowned top dogs? How will you celebrate? Because you so should celebrate.

wow this exciting! i'm going to celebrate by watching all that porn out there.

Throughout this interview, we'll be firing some pretty odd questions your way, we figured you'd be tired of the same old questions and so we'll do our best to keep it fresh.. like this; Its a fight to the death, we've all been there. Which cast member would win?
hmmm... well... hmmm... we're all such weaklings in our own way, I think we'd all lose.

We're sure you must get a lot of positive feedback, but as we know all too well, the net is also full of morons. How do you deal with negative comments? Do you find heavy criticism a problem?
I play the garden state soundtrack on my ipod and have myself a "sad montage." I cry in the shower wearing my high school prom tux, watch steel magnolias, and play solitaire, stuff like that.
actually, besides hearing that have a Frankenstein head, I haven't heard all that much negative.

There are alot of differences between British and American humour, what is it, in your opinion, that bridges that chasm so well?

The British find the guild funny? woah, that's a pretty high honor. monty python, the office, your teeth, you guys invented comedy!

Last Summer, we wrote a guide to being metrosexual. Clearly,we understand the importance of looking "freaky, sexy good" at all times. Who spends the longest sorting their appearance before getting down to work?

Felicia's hair... not Felicia... Felicia's hair spends the longest time sorting her or its appearance.

We have discovered that no story involving 14 beers and take-out food has a happy ending. Do you guys ever partake in wild parties and nights around town after shooting?
we had our season two wrap party at los angeles's oldest karaoke bar, Dimples. I vaguely remember that night.

We once received a bit of coverage during the BBC's coverage of cricket, sparking a huge debate about baked goods, what is the weirdest thing any of you have had to do in promoting the Guild?

Going to blizzcon and having a fan tell me to take off my shirt so that she could see my magic carpet. That was pretty weird. I did it.

Picture the scene: You book a short break to Europe, just to take sometime for yourselves, but there's a mistake and you end up in the small industrial town of Delmenhorst, famous for linoleum production. What would you do to amuse yourselves?

linoleum production.

Speaking of Europe, we'd love to hear your opinions if you've ever been our way? The Welsh once saved Ravi's life.
I went to spain when I was sixteen with my high school spanish class. we discovered the wonders of beer in a vending machine, something that we do not have in america.

You may not be aware, but you are our first guests to escape the dreaded Dangerwank question. Its on google, but we'd hate to be the source of any accidents, no-one needs another Micheal Hutchence, but less about us, who do you all take most inspiration from?

monty python, ricky gervais, everyone in any judd apatow movie, dave chappelle, mother theresa, albert einstein, both gandhis, and jaleel white. i think i turned the question into "who in the world i'd most like to meet for lunch"
Ravi, Adam and I recently started a short lived Austro-German Lounge-jazz-funk-fusion ensemble, replete with spangly jackets, keytars, handlebar moustaches and mullets. How much would you each charge, were we to approach you about appearing in a music video? We could offer all the currywurst you can eat.
Five currywursts. I'm an awful business man considering you offered all I can eat, and negotiated myself down to five.

Thanks to Sandeep then for being a good sport and asking the judge to be lenient.

Catch up with The Guild..here;

www.youtube.com/watchtheguild
www.myspace.com/watchtheguild
www.facebook.com/pages/The-Guild/6068232341
www.watchtheguild.com: RSS!

Yet more Kate Nash on "The Street"

Here we are again, another photo of our ghetto dwelling heroine, who is not remotely middle class by the way.

Once again proving she is conclusively from"The Street" by being on.. the street.

The Financial World Cup

To make all this easier to digest, we've knocked up a World Championship league system, to demonstrate how lucky, or screwed your homeland is, enjoy.

If your country had abank account, this is how it'd stack up.

1) China £253 billion
2) Japan £153 billion
3) Germany £176.8 billion
4) Saudi Arabia £108.8 billion
5) Russia £73 billion
6) Norway £58 billion
7) Algeria £30.5 billion
8) Taiwan £21 billion
9) Sweden £20.9 billion
10) Hong Kong £16.6 billion
11) Venezuela £15 billion
12) Nigeria £8.7 billion
13) Korea -£7.9 billion
14) Ukraine -£9 billion
15) Australia -£33.3 billion
16) UK -£67.7 billion
17) Spain -£107 billion
18) USA -£420.2 billion*

*There is no need to panic, at this early stage think of it kinda like Bill Gates getting a large credit card bill.. no big deal. It just cannot continue forever.

Can't we all just get along?

Have you taken a look in the news lately? I mean really, really looked? Probably not is my guess.

If we aren't being swamped with celebrity bullshit, its all doom and gloom. Either way, it would seem to us that far too many of you take it all as gospel truth. Normally, this is where I'd waffle on for hours about how all the mainstream papers are owned by rich people, and they'll never be happy with a working man's party in power.. today is no different.

We already know that Gordon Brown is boring, and if you listen to the papers you'll probably believe he is incompetent too. This is wrong. Good old Gordy cleared our National Debt some years ago, the tories were up in arms about this because.. and you may not know this, they make a lot of money out of us all being in debt, its complicated and I won't bore you with the details but I assure if you know your stuff, you'll know this is true. Anywho, you may remember all the Conservatives waving their arms around declaring that the country was screwed by the upcoming recession because we hadn't saved our money.. like the frugal Australians. Maybe not, but with our debt cleared we're in a good position contrary to what you may think.

Allow us to explain.

Mathematics is an exact science, and mathematically speaking it is an almost total certainty that America is going to go spectacuarly bankrupt. There are two clear ways out at this stage;

1) Cut all federal spending to $0 for the foreseeable future
2) Raise taxes to 69%

There may be another way out devised by someone far more intelligent than me, I certainly hope there is but basically, Mr. Bush has put his empire past the point of no return and just like the Germans, the French, the Russians and us Brits, the American's are about to suffer that worst of all fates, the fall from grace.

George has pushed the capabilities of American spending power to the breaking point, fought 2 expensive wars that have yielded nearly no return and allowed everyone to wallpaper over the cracks with an impressive sense of national pride, that I'm somewhat envious of. Chris spent six months in the US last year so we know what we're talking about when we say that the Hurricane Katrina clear-up was useless, the roads are appalling and the national pride has only made things harder.

In the automotive industry for example, while European and Japanese firms pioneered new fangled suspension and found ways of getting a million horsepower from a tiny engine, the US big 3 [GM, Chrysler, Ford] have done what they have always done. Simple, poorly built behemoths.

Sure I love those cars, but theres no escaping the fact that they are, rubbish. Still, myself and many others like me love them for their character, its sold as the American way, but that isn't enough though and with a simply huge amount of the population employed directly and indirectly in a declining motor industry, it doesn't look good.

We've been here before though, and its understandable that just about every American we know cannot stand any criticism levelled at their country, but for once, we're doing it as friends. Harsh truths are just that, harsh. How can a self-styled world superpower have such lousy education, healthcare and infrastructure?

Its lucky we don't owe them any money.. see, this is going somewhere.

Remember how everyone got super pissed when we nationalised one of our banks, while the Conservatives said they should be allowed to go bust? Remember how angry you were that YOUR money was being spent on those greedy fatcats? Goddamn it Brown! How could you?

Yet, did you consider the alternative? When anyone or any institution goes bankrupt, they have to turn their assets into money to clear their debts. Northern Rocks' assets were mortgages. Can you imagine 750,000 people all getting letters saying they had a month to pay off the rest of the money they owed on their mortgages, or else they'd be homeless?

Worse still, with 750,000 extra homes on the market, yours will go down in value. Maybe badly enough to warrant your bank asking for their money back, after all, if you stopped paying and they had to sell your house, they would find it was now worth less than they lent you. The cost of renting would skyrocket and we'd all be stuck really.

Next up are the loans requested by Jaguar and Land Rover, two prestigious British firms. Sure, bad management had got them into money trouble, but what if we didn't bail them out? We aren't talking a few thousand of their employees without jobs, we're talking steel producers, windshield makers, suppliers, tyre manufacturers.. they'd all lose the big contracts that keep them afloat. This is the same as the problem for the US, just not quite as bad.

There is a positive though, Mr. Brown is borrowing and spending again. As long as dipshit Cameron stays out of the way and the papers stop slating him for the sake of a story, the country can recover. Mr. Brown is ploughing a load of money into a new super high-speed rail network and roads that will be the envy of the world.. upshot is that when this recession is all over we're geared up to start exporting goods again, and we'll be able to do it fast, cheaper and cleaner than the other guy.

Its good news for our American pals too, with Barack Obama they are in good hands and if anyone can solve thier mess, its him. He got into power on the statement "Yes, we can".. as long as he is brave and honest enough to admit "This time, for a while at least, we just can't" and America pulls together as it has always done, there is no reason there can't be a happy ending there too.

Wherever you happen to be in the world, we wish you well during these hard times, and we'll have some funny shit coming right up..

Kate Nash.. On the street #2

Kate continues to prove all her critics wrong. Here she displays that she is so from "the street" that she can busk without a licence. Take THAT, society!

For the record, yes, she is ginger. Contrary to what you may believe.

Twitter us!

You can now catch up with us anytime!

http://twitter.com/Hardcoreeffect

see you there.

The Secret Adventures of Tin-Tin

It seems the French are up in arms this week. Despite Shit cartoon creation TinTin actually being a Belgian, they have claimed him as their own and leapt to his defence after a Times Journalist implied he was a homosexual.

Not that this really matters, the only thing that ever bothered me about the show was how consistently shit it was.. just truly awful. However, not one to shy away from a fight I'd like to make our team's stance on TinTin clear. Tintinophiles as they like to be called (For the love of God.. WHY!!?!?), have taken offence at this so called slur, yet have they weighed up the evidence? This is what we do best here.. so we took an objective look.

It didn't bear well for the Belgian knobhead's legions of fans. As a team, we came to the conclusion that an androgynous, bequiffed young blonde boy with a penchant for small, fluffy white dogs, who moves into a mansion with a middle aged sailor and befriends two other inseperable men with moustaches could certainly be taken as gay. So, leave the poor journalist alone.

Certainly the two other men are in possession of quite the gayest moustaches seen in animation to date, ranking fourth on the industry standard gay scale;

1) Handlebar / porn tache
2) Gay Airline Pilot
3) Beppe Di Marco
4) Gay Detectives from Tin-Tin


For reference, the most manly of moustaches belongs to Des Lynam, behold: The Des Lynam Special;
Awesome.

Anyway, we have digressed. If you are still in any doubt over Tintin's sexual preferences, then check this out and doubt no longer. Knowledge is power people!;