The Hardcore Effect Awards 2009 - Best song

We have an early, but clear winner.

Enjoy

The Very Last of The 2008 Hardcore Effect Awards

You may remember that some months ago we ran a competition to win a bunch of free shit we had blagged from companies and individuals. All those who entered, and there were more than we'd bargained for [thanks by the way] were invited to join myself and a select group to decide the grandaddy of them all.. The Hardcore Effect Best Thing On The Internet Award 2008.

This, as you'd imagine, posed a problem. For a start I wouldn't allow any gimmicky piece of crap to receive my highest seal of approval.. the obvious stuff; Youtube, Facebook, Myspace.. all out from the start. Certainly, nothing music related could take the trophy because that is shallow and predictable.

Also, no one hit wonder video could take it, there'd be no substance. It had to be something consistently good, a gift from the genius of man or womankind that just keeps on giving.

Life these days is made up of "facts" and statistics, there are some facts that are complete rubbish, such as "Wasps can smell sugar from 5 miles away" - This is plainly bollocks.. sugar does not smell. Cat's urine, as you may have been lead to believe, does not infact glow in the dark and nor is David Cameron a marxist.. although he does hold the Guiness World Record for being the first man in history to trek solo completely into his own arse.

There is one fact though, that I will share with you now, that is indisputable truth. The Guild is far and away the best thing on the internet and unless you have the business skills of a mackerel, you should be fighting tooth and nail to get your .com's name on their sponsors list.

First and foremost, if you disagree with this simple truth, you are wrong.. you may infact be a gibbering simpleton, which may explain your inability to appreciate its subtle genius. As we all know, I won't watch anything unless it has either full frontal nudity or 4 kinds of machine gun, but this is something else.

There is no large budget and no sports car chase, and as yet no explosions. I'm not going to lie and say its the best show in creation, because next time you see me you will hold me personally responsible for misguiding you.. and you may set me alight. However, the show is.. enough, just enough, and thats all it should ever be and I'll explain that remark. Put simply it has all the right ingredients, in perfect proportion.

The casting is perfect, there is no other word for it. Every member of the cast is perfect for their role, all are played exceptionally and it was agreed that were any one of them not there.. it just wouldn't work. The humour in the writing is spot on, and it has everything good humour should have - it's intelligent, perfectly timed and true.

Robin Thorsen is brilliantly entertaining and her portrayl of neglectful mother Clara is simply great, The role of Bladezz is perfect for Vincent Caso, he has the look, the attitude and the talent to play the part exactly as it should be. Sandeep Parikh is a comedy genius, his line delivery is beyond comparison and he may yet prove himself as the funniest man alive. Jeff Lewis is pure gold in everything he has been in, its a simple as that and Felicia Day holds writing talent that I will be forever in awe of. I don't wish to leave Amy Okuda out, but I have run out of positive superlatives, so fantastic will have to do, sorry.

Now if you are the sort of person who spends their evenings trawling youtube, upsetting and offending strangers, and you wish to complain about this choice.. I invite you to go away. If you see it as some sort of documentary about dysfunctional computer nerds, you have missed the point. If you don't find it funny, then you may be a German and if you can't appreciate the virtues of Felicia Day and Amy Okuda then I must advise you that while you are always welcome here, we don't generally provide access to photos of men's bottoms.

I am aware this may be construed as a bit OTT, but the agreement was reached and its clear that it is just because the show is low budget and abnormal that it becomes so refreshing and entertaining. So, we salute you Knights Of Good, just keep doing what you are doing oh so well.. but one complaint, do the episodes really have to be so short?

Check out www.watchtheguild.com right now, lest ye be cast overboard.

two-month update

well, just before I set off I thought I'd share some interesting stats I've found out as we enter month three of The Hardcore Effect.

Most referenced word/item/topic

1) Scotch Eggs
2) Football
3) Blancmange

Most victimised celebrities

1) David Hasselhoff
2) Kerry Katona
3) Olof Mellberg
4) Petter Hansson
5) Lukas Podolski

Most used swear words

1) Fucking
2) Shit
3) Bastard(s)
4) Cunt
5) Cockbadger


On another note, voting for The Hardcore Awards begins next FRIDAY. See you next thursday people.

The Hardcore Effect Awards - Music Video Nominations

OK, so here we go with our first award, please don't forget to vote in the poll on the right of your screen, which should appear pretty soon.

All the videos picked are chosen for different reasons, some its the quality of the direction, others the innovation,or the comedy value, the kick-ass dancing or the plain fun of a raucous live performance, enjoy

There is an opportunity for a few more videos to be added before the poll opens, so don't be shy about sending us your ideas before nominations close.

The Nominations [so far] for Best Music Video ever are;

"Whats it gonna be?" - Mike O'Connell feat. Yoshido, taken from the album; "Million Dollar Strong"

"Smooth Criminal" - Alien Ant Farm, taken from the album "ANThology"

"Virtual insanity" - Jamiroquai, taken from the album "Travelling without Moving"

"Silver Lining" - Beulah, Taken from the album "The Coast is Never Clear"

"Club Foot" - Kasabian, Taken from the album "Kasabian"

"Learn to fly" - Foo Fighters, Taken from the album "There is nothing left to lose"

The Hardcore Effect Awards 2008

First off, I have to say that we are all in total agreement with Ravi on the Keytar issue. That particular instrument receives our highest recommendation, not only does it ooze cool but they can look trluy amazing teamed with a spangly jacket and whitened teeth, Joe very much wanted to learn the keytar and the synth with ideals of legally changing his name to "Synthesiser Joe", if he did that, I would finally mail off my ridculous deed poll, along with Simon [Jonny McGay] and Chris [Todd Powers].

As usual though, I'm digressing. Its almost time for me to take the Hardcore Tour to Cannes, Antibes, Paris and Monaco (mmm.. glamourous), and all this glitz got me thinking and after some frank and open discussion on the matter its been decided that its time for the first annual Hardcore Awards. I'll be collecting nominations in various categories from the other bloggers and the votes will be collated on an indepedent site only too happy to receive its fair share of frankly impressive traffic volume for such a young blog.

Nominations will be taken and presented from a week on friday and voting will be open for 2 weeks in categories such as;

The "If I were gay, I would" Award
The Hardcore Effect Award for products with a stupid design flaw
Most Pointless Website
The "It would be fucking hilarious if it wasn't so tragic" award
Most innovative use of genitalia
Irresponsible parent of the year
Dickhead of the year
The Best blog that isn't ours award
and many others

Promises also that we'll be in contact with as many of the winners as we can. Speaking of which keep an eye out in the coming days because I'll be interviewing a man who makes a living out of masturbating onto his girlfriend's possessions and filming her reaction.. seriously.. no shit.

Also, If I can raise Ravi and Kabbyo, theres some interesting interview work afoot for those guys so keep em peeled.

Finally, as always any and all category suggestions for the awards are welcome, because we arent bothering with any actual physical awards.