Still to come..

Well, nothing much today, but the rest of the week pans out pretty damn well.

We've got interviews with Felicia Day, Robin Thorsen and Jeff Lewis from The Guild, plus another surprise guest.

We'll be attempting to catch up with the boys from Mindshock and we'll be making the first draw of our inaugural Crisp World Cup.

Keep it here.

Finally though, please join us in wishing that handsome devil, Ravi, the best of luck in his exams. We all look forward to his return.

cheers

Benji On Duty

Hey kiddies, you're stuck with me for the next few days and like any unwilling and disconnected father, I'm ignoring you today in favour of the pub and falling asleep in front of the TV.

Ravi, you see, is busy proving my "people are stupid" argument is totally accurate, by going to Wales. Why? beats me too.

So while he spends some time with the boyos, sheep shearing and whatever else the Welsh do, sing I imagine, I'll be dealing with the majority of the update work just has he will be doing when I take the Hardcore Tour somewhere a little bit more glamourous than Wales, namely Cannes, Antibes and Monaco, yes, Monaco.

I am James Bond.

So, expect plenty of Brainwashing to commence as of tomorrow so I know you'll be ok in my absence, can't have Ravi convincing you to ride bicycles, eat organic peace bread and wear vegan sandals now can we?

Victory is Yellow!

Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Hero.

That was a fantastic strike. On the whole though it was a bittersweet day for me, Ok we won, but Christian Wilhelmsson may be out of the competition. Zlatan scored that stormer, but I found out Dr. Oetker isn't Swedish and had to tip my delicious pizza into the bin for tramps to fight over.

Onto the lego unicycle, I believe Ravi is reffering to the much famed bloccycle. It came equipped with dual firing missile launchers and a man with plastic hair. I'm sure an optic of Absolut could have been fitted to it also. He's just trying to rain on the yellow parade because he had to endure a night of efficent German fun to celebrate his game, where as I got nicely drunk and ate my Kottbullar, Smorgasbord and Lingonsylt. Awesome.

This victory has inspired me to show a bit more of my hand to my honourable opponent.

We've both talked pretty big so far, making wild claims. Well, for those of you that are hard of sight the image below is of me calling Ravi's Bluff. Touche.

The Germans will win Swede F.A.

There I was, minding my own business listening to Abba's Greatest Hits when Ravi shows up and posts something so ludicrous I choked on my Kopparberg and Absolut chaser.

Mate, the last time someone was as wrong as you've just been, they were arguing the benefits of messing with bees and using them as weapons.

Sweden is responsible for everything good... ever. A lot like me.

Abba are the finest band to have ever walked the earth, which explains why my greatest hits CD is 3 years long. There are just so many poptastic tunes to fit in.
My house is furnished entirely from Ikea, this makes me the most stylish man to have ever lived and provides a great opportunity to display my man skills and knock up a shelving unit or two and still have enough time to sit down for some lingonberry sauce and an ice cold Absolut on the rocks.

Ugly girls don't exist in Sweden, everyone is beautiful and pleasant, which can hardly be said for a nation famed for hairy women and a serious demeanour. In Japan they call the "Jap's eye" the "German's Mouth".. because it never smiles.

For a country awash with gorgeous blonde young ladies, they actually get a lot of work done, Swedish design and architecture are pretty world leading. They are a multi-skilled and inventive race, Take for example Swedish team coach, Lars Lagerbäck.

First off, thats a cool name if ever there was one. The man has also become a tactical genius, this is probably due to his being constantly pissed from tasting and quality testing lager, which he invented. All lager has to be personally approved by Mr. Lagerbäck before being exported and having "brewed in Germany" plastered on it, this is because he's a modest man and doesn't want his brewing genius overshadowing his football campaign.

His team are a top bunch too.

Freddie Ljungberg - A man so hot he makes men wet. I'd say he is probably the most flamboyant and interesting midfielder in the world, he's recently shaved his head becuase he believes the lowered wind resistance will allow him to make fast runs down the wing, and his hair, which is naturally bright red, distracts teammates during set-pieces. He enjoys modelling tight underwear in his spare time, this he wears to prevent bruising to the lovespuds.. a crippling injury which can take months of physio to recover from.

Henrik Larsson - As a Ranger's fan, I can appreciate just how talented this bloke is. Following Freddie's advice has ditched the dreadlocks and given up the rasta lifestyle to increase his on pitch efficency. He's played his way around the world, which means he's picked up lots of valuble skills. He can make fantastic piella, his time in Scotland taught him that when the chips are down and you are a goal behind the best way out of it is to break your bottle of Newcastle Brown in your marker's face and shout "Stitch that, Jimmy!", and lets face it Scotch eggs are a great source of sustainable energy.

Olof Mellberg - Olof is the angriest man in the world, styled to look like a football hooligan rather than a player. His "aggressive negotation skills" recently won him a transfer from Birmingham giants, Aston Villa to Juventus. Known to challenge referees to "A fight to the death", Olof has revealed his favourite weapon for such occasions is the spade.

Petter Hansson - Petter looks like a sex offender. Living in France has given him girly, greasy hippy locks. This shows he has not been attending Mr. Ljungberg's Pre-match aerodynamics lectures. He has now established himself as one of the first choice centre backs for Sweden.

Kim Källström - Kim plays for Lyon, which is quite an acheivement, because he is 8 years old and has a girl's name.

Taking that aside for a moment, he has staggering power in his left foot and has netted 8 times in 55 appearances, more goals than any other primary school aged International footballer. Plays at his best after a glass of milk and a story from Lars on the quiet carpet.

Merry Wednesday, one and all

Just a short visit today because I'm on with something big for next week (hopefully).

In the next few weeks I intend on attracting as many readers as possible, I'm not being commercial or a sell-out, its just if I can brainwash you all this way, its a much more cost effective of attaining World Domination with my party of bloggers and sociopaths.

In response to Ravi's ideas for shit sports, I have two things to say. Firstly, stop messaging me. I have enabled anonymous posting because you are all too lazy to get google accounts so please pass all your wonderful and misguided opinions direct to us here.

Secondly, I'd really like to see a game of cricket that included the "Acid Break" and I'd like to raise some volunteers and put the results of an experiment of this kind on youtube. I think it could revolutionise the sport and generate alot of new revenue, so thats why I want to do the "research" not because I think, as it is claimed elsewhere after a serious misquoting, that said experiment will be "Fucking Hilarious", shame on you.

This is it for now, except the usual stuff to clear up. All future posts will be marginally shorter than they have been of late.. because I waffle on, so this is kind of like a glimpse into the future.

Anyhow, if you do have time, just take a look back over the posts when your bored in work/school and always remember the 3 a's of The Hardcore Manifesto;
Absorb, Accept, Adjust your life accordingly.

That is all.

News and such

Good Morning. I've got to get today's stuff in early because I'm stuck on a stupid late shift.

Firstly, some news.

-New Bloggers-

You will notice in the coming weeks that we have two new bloggers to throw at you and generally intersperse my long winded rants. The first of these is Ravi, Currently in Europe mooching around like a true student bum. I once met him at a BBQ through a mutual friend and we now play international football together for a communist micronation, but thats a story for later, his writing is far more intelligent and funny than anything I could dream of putting together so I've signed him up for your enjoyment.

Then there is Sheep, he is in the British army and also enjoys the art of drinking too much. We go way back and are both central members of the frankly legendary, Team Well Safe [Pimping your mum since 2003]. He once aided me in dyeing my hair blue after a morning spent drinking heavily, before the purchase of a chinese, 2 hours spent making younger kids laugh and teaching them the importance of keeping it real and finally filling my bath tub with Carling and drinking it while awaiting the arrival of Claire, his mrs. at the time. Needless to say, she dumped him on the spot as he slumped against my bathroom radiator. Nice.

You may find he enjoys pointing out my girlfriend's quite serious anger issues, which he likes to provoke by farting in her face. once again, Nice.

-Endorsement-

I'd like to point out once again, this is not a commercial blog, its an angry blog.

In the VERY rare occasions I recommend something or frequently mention it, its because I genuinely believe its worth your time. I'm never paid for saying any such thing, nor can you pay me to do it about your product, so please don't ask. On this note though, to clarify, Carling is my favourite alcoholic beverage in the world, its awesome. There we go, sorted.

-Daily Updates!?-

Yes, yes I know. This is the first time I've run with the idea of daily updates, but, if this is going to go anywhere it has to happen, plus there are now three of us after all.

Anyway, thats quite enough of that. Shall we? Lets.