The Whitewash of Death - a thought for the day

How come whenever anyone dies, whether they be a yardie, a drug dealer, a used car salesman or worse, a personal injury lawyer they suddenly become a great person?

I know of many examples of this, theres probably one in your paper today, some chav scumbag carrying a knife gets stabbed in the neck and his parents rush out to claim he "was a lovely happy boy who loved everyone". This is clearly bullshit, so why is this what happens?

As a Taoist, death has no meaning to me really, I certainly don't see why its an excuse for character deformation. They should really say "He was no angel, but we loved him dearly" or words to that effect, what say you people?

and of course;

Here we have an example close to something that once happend to me and some friends at school, this is the sort of thing that makes me feel its all so very hopeless, enjoy..if you can;

If..no.. When I rule the World - The Hardcore Manifesto (part 1)

Good day to you all, I begin today's travel through the world of my genius with this.

I apologise for this piece being so late but It slipped my mind completely, you may or may not remember that sometime ago there was a piece in the news about two young ladies being stabbed by some bloke in a frenzy after getting off a bus. Terrible you may think, but I see something you may not and I'm sure Mike v1.0 will see this point too.

Yes, they got stabbed and you know what I say? Good.

You see, the young ladies in question had been winding up this bloke all through his ride home. He was simply minding his own business when two stupid little schoolgirls start passing comment on everything from his hair to his appearance in general. I'm sorry, but at 14 or so, these girls should frankly no better.

The bloke, obviously furious at the little pair of cretins decided to follow them off the bus and proceed to start a knifing rampage while in the grip of a rabid blood-lust fever. Spot on.

Who the hell are a bunch of stupid kids to tell anyone about anything? Next time I get a snide comment, I shall promptly hack off the offenders genitals with a rusty switchblade. It may teach them a lesson about manners.

Its no use using the whole "but they were just girls" excuse, because frankly that no longer washes with me. I think equality is awesome frankly, but it works both ways so you have an equal right to shift your arse, lift heavy things, put up shelving, open jars and get your head kicked in when you deserve it. This attitude was passed on to me by a genuinely top bloke, Harry.

Harry and I work together and he makes a valid point, Women tend to be mouthier and more agressive when it comes to getting up in your face and really getting you angry.. they don't have the same experiences growing up that make a boy a man.. most of these involve being kicked in the face with no hope of anyone coming to your aid, they have no concept of the trouble they are starting because they are so used to not suffering the consequences, usually a bloke will wade in to the rescue if they are threatened, which is unlikely as its taboo to even threaten a lady.

The bias doesn't end there, I read a story not long ago in a magazine where the guy had written in saying he'd been dating a total nutter, long story short she was well out of line and a complete psycho, they get into an argument whereupon she bites off a bit of his nose, and fearing his retaliation runs into a nearby pub with her face covered in this poor blokes blood and claims he'd just hit her in the face, cue an endless stream of blokes storming out of the pub to kick his head in (mainly because they want to shag the lady in question and feel they must show off), its amazing how society always takes the womans side.

Ray Parlour, and overpaid footballer with poncy gay hair recently got divorced, his wife claimed she was entitled to half his hard-earned... how does that work? how!? This bloke is the one who spends an hour and half knackering himself out chasing a ball, she just goes shopping and gets her nails done. So ladies, if your man is reluctant to marry its because of women like this that alot of men feel that you are manipulative, shallow, self-serving crazies. Mrs. Hardcore being one of many obvious exceptions. Its a wrong image, but one that is being imprinted in the minds of men everywhere.

So, when I'm Prime Minister I will decree the following;

1) Unless there are kids involved, each partner's money is his/her own upon seperation.

2) Footballers pay heavily increased tax.

3) If you spray paint your name on walls, the police will be empowered to spray "is a retard" or some other similar comment underneath.

4) Almost everything will become a capital crime, if you beat up an inncocent passer-by, the police will shoot you in the face..you may say; "bit harsh" I say; "Shut up, he/she knew they weren't supposed to be doing that, they knew it was wrong and they knew the risk." I'm becoming a bit facist here I think, again like v1.0.

and it doens't end there, more laws to come, keep with us..

The usual drugs issue

Well, you wouldn't believe the last 24 hours if I told you, so I won't bother.

I choose instead to continue our joint journey of enlightenment thusly;

As it is Friday, and I've had a stressful 24 hours, you are going to have to let me off if this one is short and lacks my usual air of charm, wit and charisma.

Today's issue is about drugs. Let's be honest, just about everyone now turns a blind eye to a bit of dope, me? I don't touch the stuff, but I don't actively discourage others from its use,many people seem to enjoy it and thats just dandy. Ok, so it is known to drive heavy users to the very brink of psychosis and can turn perfectly funny and intelligent people into a yoghurt, but its no concern of mine. As long as people can afford it, they are perfectly ok, maybe a bit grumpy if they have to go without but thats usually the worst of it. That is unless they are real hardened smokers, who do it in gangs, outside Tesco. This is because these people have no money, no-one I know is willing to pay someone minimum wage to abuse strangers and beat up the vulnerable, except we do. These bastards are outside just about every job centre in the UK, picking up their dole cash, using it for weed, a party bag of malteasers and 4 cans of Kestrel Super Strength.

They claim this money goes on feeding their fourteen kids and helping them get into a position where they can get up and contribute to society. I can't be too harsh though because they do contribute to society constructively, it happens regularly, about as regularly infact as your dog switches on your grill to prepare himself a grilled cheese sandwich.

Joking aside, the economy probably does float on their purchase of nike trainers, stripy shellsuits and argos gold chains.

Hard drugs are the same pretty much, often the crime linked to these substances is far more serious and can range from mugging to murder. However, it would be pretty stupid to assume the drugs make them, commit the crimes. They don't. Its the need for drugs that drives them.

Why don't you take heroin? I'll tell you why, because you aren't a cock. You're smart enough to avoid those drugs in the same way your smart enough to read this piece.

So, the answer? Legalise drugs. Seriously.

Straight away all criminal imports would become hideously unprofitable. The Opium field of Afghanistan could be used to create work and stability, the products used to make proper medical grade drugs, which even if we taxed people on would be cheaper than that nice albanian bloke can sell a bag for.

These people will always do drugs, at least this way we wouldn't have to pay millions to treat them, arrest them and try and stop illegal imports. They would die less because of the higher grade product and as a result we'd all pay less tax. Afghanistan may even calm down. I'm in no way marketing this to you as a cure-all, christ, far too many people do spend their lives in wetherspoons surrounded by betting slips and fag ends, but one problem at a time eh?