Well, already the new setup is two months old, and its been a fair old slog.
We can certainly count our superior coverage of Euro 2008 among the highlights thus far, but you may have noticed we've ignored the Olympic Games. Surely this would have been a truly great opportunity to take on another stupid challenge and really let rip again, but we haven't and for one very good and incredibly simple reason, the Olympics are shit.
Today, I saw a news report claiming we'd been "disappointing" in the dressage event, which is basically looking good on a horse, a skill as useful as a condom machine in a nunnery. Someone from Britain today won a gold medal for riding a bicycle in the rain while complaining alot about said rain proving a handicap, most six years olds can do it, we're British.. rain is our thing. Last time I checked, Olympic quality athletes weren't water soluble.
The lack of subject matter for us doesn't end there; Olympic football is rubbish, no-one in the world gives a shit about sailing and you can't see most of the events anyway due to the vast amount of smog. Then theres that stupid sport where ladies on skates do a bit of sweeping and someone then slides a kettle of some sort down their nicely swept floor, then they get all tearful if their kettle doesn't end up in a similar position to a German or Lebonese one. Frankly ladies, if thats the worst thing that happens to you today, you've done well.
I'm sure it shows wonderful dedication that an athlete can train their whole life, dedicating all their free time to chucking a discus or sweeping the kettle floor, but I still truly hope I never have to sit next to one on a train journey. I certainly hope I never have to share a changing room with a male figure skater, there's something about a man in sequins and spangly trousers that deeply scares me.
I would go as far as to say that we'll boycott both current and future Olympic games unless the following new events are implemented immeadiatly;
Beer Drinking
Scotch Egg eating
Scotch Egg throw
Flaming / trash-talking
Jet-powered roller blading
some kind of submarine relay event
Monster trucking, with explosives
Wargames
fights to the death [Gladiator style, with Spades and stuff]
Fishing, with explosives and electric current
Gay-off's
highwire juggling over volcano
Shoe golf
fooket [Invented by my mates, fucket is a mix of football and cricket and involves beer]
So until our demands are met, no more coverage. sorry.
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