Filling the gap..

Apologies for my obvious lateness on the sexism post, but I like to make sure my sources are 100% accurate before I go getting all angry and such.

So instead today's post is about combatting the imminent recession here in the UK.
Some people think that voting the Conservatives in will help, but lets not forget they fucking love unemployment, it means they can pay those who do work far less and it keeps them and their rich buddies in champagne and Audis, so that ones out.

First off, the best thing to do is to stop printing stories saying there is definatly going to be a bad time for money on the horizon, because that stops people spending which makes it all worse, the best thing we can all do to avert this disaster is blow all our spare cash at evry opportunity, sounds daft but it works like this.

If everyone just saved all the money from their wages they could, no-one would be buying enough stuff, so production slows, then stops and we all become either poor or unemployed.

Inversely, spend all your cash, and your wages go up, and the country prospers, weird eh?

So, why aren't we spending? well Joe and I analysed this in true Hardcore Effect style, and we've discovered everyday markets have gaps in them so large it makes them into a money sive.

So we suggest plugging the gaps and selling unique items no-one else makes for example;

-A burglar alarm only dogs can here

-A "Sorry, you're engaged" greeting card, or maybe even "The bastard's dead" or "Congratulations on your divorce, now you get half his stuff, gritting your teeth through all that terrible sex is paying off"

- A toaster/kettle hybrid

- A mobile phone/taser hybrid

- "Gangsta" jewellery.. for dogs

the options are limitless, another idea is to get us all drinking more again, being pissed and violent is in the national character and we should all continue our proud tradidtions, to acheive this we need to release more stupid named beers in the style of "Bishop's Finger" and "Merlin", so we came up with a few;

Illegal Immigrant
Shoddy Builder
Negligent Mother
Sex Pest
Brewer's Droop
Penis Enlargement Beer
Bottled Sex
Thai Prostitute
Ladyboy
Gimp's Choice
Angry driver
Benefit Cheat
and
Teenage Mum

So, as we know, you must practice what you preach, so i've decided, for the good of the country and the economy, to get pissed tomorrow.

I'll drink to that.