Time to regain our pride..

Whether its Labour and Tory, or Metro and Retro we have become a very much Dis-United Kingdom.

For years it was simple, we effectivly ruled the world and no-one fucked with us, simple as that. This instilled a great sense of national pride in our people.

We invented Gravity, democracy and TV, we ruled the waves and gave Johnny Foreigner a bloody good hiding if he even thought about oppressing his own people. The empire gave us an influx of Olympic quality atheltes and spicy food, and it was truly a great time to be British.

Somehow though, we've lost our way. This country used to be about doing things, acheivement and generally showing off and suddenly its about being middle-of-the-road, inoffensive and balancing alot of questionable finance books. NASA scientists privately admit that the Brits getting Concorde to work was a hell of a lot tougher than the Yanks putting a man on the moon, and it shows because it cost £1.5 billion to make it happen, every single plane was sold at a loss and Hank the Yank was so jelous, he attempted to ban it in American airspace with the somewhat flimsy excuse that it was so noisy it would make cows fall over.

The World didn't need a supersonic airliner, democracy or James Blunt, but we went ahead and gave it them anyway, because we could. Today, any public spending on anything remotely interesting is marred by newspapers and TV shows bringing on a tearful mother who claims the money would be better spent on preventing her son from being stabbed/a dialysis machine/Speed Cameras on her road.

I mean, what country views its own flag as a symbol of right-wing oppression? A stupid one.

I therefore propose we levy a tax of £1 a week for every man, woman and child in the country. The we spend this money on Aircraft carriers, Nuclear missiles, An elevator into space, a journey to the centre of the earth, a mars lander, Zeppelins, Tasers, David Gray CD's, replacing the London Underground with a jet powered maglev monorail system, public transport that doesn't contain tramps and a smell of urine and vomit, whitening toothpaste that actually works, monuments, a new road network complete with 7 lanes each way and an autobahn style unlimited speed system and other such follies. Being a bit eccentric and crazy is what being British is all about. We need a real James Bond and we need to be the first to circumnavigate the sun, its what we're about.

Hang on, what happens if I don't pay tax you say? Simple, Doley? Chav? you gotta work for those benefits matey, on the sick with a bad back? Disabled? office work squire, Retarded? Great we could always use more "road safety operatives" and "outreach officers" welcome aboard.

Frankly, I think the last thing we should be doing with all our public money is funding bus timetables in swahili and road signs in Polish, come one and come all I say, just learn the bloody language and try to fit in, thats all we ask.