Good afternoon everyone

Hi all, after a couple of months of writing my blog 'Anger is a gift' only to have received a grand total of 63 views (most of them being me, checking to see if anyone else had bothered to read it) and the pitiful sum of 3 comments, I have decided to join team hardcore in their quest for knowledge. Unfortunately I have very little to contribute at this time.

Although, having read the retrosexual/metrosexual debate I would like to throw in the concept of the 'ubersexual'. I believe myself to be one of these said 'ubersexuals'. I am not now going to reel off tales of sexual promiscuity or talk about how massive my penis is, as the name may lead you to believe. Ubersexuality merely involves taking the best from both extremes of male culture.

This involves;
Exfoliating daily, using alcohol free deoderant and using aftershave balm all to keep you skin healthy. Whilst also smoking twenty cigarettes a day to utterly destroy it.

Eating healthy for most of the week; paella, green vegetables, chicken and rice, quinoa etc... And then eating generally shit when you can't be bothered to cook; crisps, takeaways etc.

Changing hairstyles and clothing according to your environment; for instance, when i go for a night out with the lads I tend to shave my hair beforehand (but not my face) and wear baggy jeans teamed with the first set of trainers I come across.
Then, when I go out on the 'pull', I style my hair (provided it has grown back) into a neat little 'fauxhawk', remove all facial hair, and sport a camp shirt with clean white trainers.

Now comes the important bit...

Altering your conversation and style of speech depending on the person to whom you are speaking. All metrosexuals know to talk to ladies about how good they look/how nice their hair is. That is good advice. And all retrosexuals know to greet bouncers with a swift headbutt. Also top advice.
The trick is to mix the two correctly; as you approach a club, drunkenly talking to a girl about hair and clothing, the bouncer isn't going to let you in. If you were to now offer said bouncer a closer look at your forehead, your ladyfriend will run a mile. To combat this, when the bouncer says 'go get some chips to sober yourself up' in a condescending manner, you go to the takeaway, get the chips as instructed, proceed back to the club and say to the guy on the door; 'Alright? Where's your fat mate? I've bought him some chips.' Thus insulting the annoying bouncer and amusing your ladyfriend. Spot on.

Using a mixture of the two contrasting cultures, you will almost certainly be able keep yourself semi-healthy, semi-popular and semi-good looking.

I'm now off to the nearest sushi restaurant for a nice meal and glass of red wine, followed by ten pints of lager and a good fight down the boozer. Catch you later.