Shit it's David Cameron...

Right- a very important post today. I'm going to get a little political, just so that in a year or so's time I can refer to this post as I chastise everyone for BEING STUPID ENOUGH TO ELECT DAVID CAMERON AS PRIME MINISTER.

If David Cameron was a food he'd be steak tartare. Looks great on the menu, but then it arrives and you realise it's just a raw egg on a cow's buttocks. Take my word for it-this guy is destined to cock up Britain. I just wanted to say that before everyone else votes him in THEN starts moaning about it. It'll be too late by then though...you closet-Tory fools.

His recent “it’s your fault if you’re fat or poor” speech was pretty interesting. Apparently some people only have themselves to blame for stuff. Cheers for that Dave, but you don't need a 1st from Oxford to know that.
There are work-shy people in every country, but in the UK there is a more of a stigma to it than a lot of other places. That's why daytime TV is intentionally made shite so we're encouraged to get ourselves down the job centre. By day, our town centres are ruled by OAPs and teenage mums and that's the way it'll always be. In France you might well get laughed at by a bunch of jobless folks in a bar as you walk past on your way to work. Pretty soon households will be paying 1000 quid a year for gas bills and a terraced house will be worth £4.60 but apparently it’ll still be their fault if they’re poor. Dave Cameron’s house on the other hand uses no gas supply at all as it’s entirely heated by his own ego…

This speech was not the amazingly bold and courageous discourse
people make it out to be. Walk into any pub in Britain and you’ll
hear the same views being spouted. He was exploiting the blame culture we live in- everyone who isn't either fat or poor can safely agree with Cameron and draw attention away from their own failings. I can imagine a skinny, rich paedophile watching Cameron and saying "Dave's right. THAT’S what’s wrong with this country today". He’s not even the same politician to say this stuff-talk of personal responsibility has been discussed before by Major, Thatcher and even back in Victorian times, when the same arguments were used to justify the existence of the workhouse, slums and only one helping of gruel.

Despite his crap arguments, people will inevitably fall for them because they’re bored. Bored of seeing the same chap on their voting slip, and the same guy defending himself in the house of commons. Gordon Brown may be new, but he was boring from the start. Hell, he’d be boring if he danced the polka on a cheesewire tightrope over an erupting volcano. Cameron will probably do a Blair- have tea with Liam Gallagher, strum a Telecaster, then invade some country at great cost (I reckon San Marino or Kiribati) and soil his reputation. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

I know what you’re saying- “Enough moaning. What solution do you suggest you pessimistic tosser?” Good point, well made. I’ll get back to you on that. Maybe some kind of mild anarchy involving fewer sofa adverts and more free scotch eggs. That’s what Britain really needs…