It seems that the Ancient Greeks were pretty liberal about sexual roles and norms. Jean Claude Van Damme and Vin Diesel could well have been lovers in fact, and no one down the Dog & Duck would have minded. Alexander the Great, surely the embodiment of a retrosexual, was renowned as a great lover of both men and women. Anyone who's seen The 300 might also know that facing certain death from the oncoming Persians, a small army of Spartans spent their final days oiling themselves and styling their hair in order to look good for the big day. It seems in those days, the metrosexual was king...
In ancient Rome, the first true retrosexuals begin to emerge. Sexual ambiguity was denounced as unnaturally Greek, yet orgies, fine fashions and male vanity were rife. In Gladiator, Maximus hates Commodus partly because he killed his wife and kids, but also because he takes too long in the bathroom in the morning. The Romans gave us roads, stadiums and catapults- very useful tools indeed for the retrosexual. Without the Romans, Jeremy Clarkson couldn't speed around the Cotsworlds cursing foreigners, Eric Cantona wouldn't have kung-fued that cheeky cockney and Dennis the Menace wouldn't be able to hit Pie Face with rocks from afar.
But then the Goths came and it all gets a bit complicated. Maybe eating home-made pasta, bathing once a week and having orgies was a little too metrosexual for those Germanic fellows to take. Suddenly retrosexuality is undercut by a new trend, and it all gets a bit confusing until someone invents chain mail and codpieces and the whole cycles starts again.
But that's history I suppose. It's all about the codpieces...
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