And last, but not least

You may be able to tell by now that I'm on another fucking Thursday late shift, so I have to dispense my wisdom earlier in the day.

Before I get on to thought of the day, I'd like to share someone else's with you;
"One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman." - Simone de Beauvoir

I'm sorry, what? No wonder most plastic surgeons drive a Rolls-Royce. They must be queued out!

Now onto something marginally less stupid, from a while back;
I'm a fair man, always have been. so lets look at the flipside, it cant be easy being a girl, and there are many reasons for this.

In the name of science [obviously] me, crazy ben and sheep got dressed up as women and went into preston, and made a drunken visit to the warehouse to see what lifes like for the other half. to be fair those two made far more convincing females than I did, and melissa was frankly an awesome pirate! Nat also looked disturbingly like Russell Brand, anyway I digress - Sheep went the whole hog, even down to shaving his legs.. and err, well shaving his balls. "girls shave their parts all the time!" he announced drunkenly. Then put on a top, miniskirt, pink thong and tights.. now the problem with him wearing a pink thong is that he has male genitalia.. and of course pink thongs dont tend to have much room for such things and so everytime he pulled up his skirt to flash someone as all the classy blackpool girls do, he had his balls on display to the whole bar.. bravo mate, bravo!

Nest we set about freaking out some of the locals, so a poor bloke named darren who was really uncomfortable with closeness of any kind it would seem, ended up with two drunken drag queens sat on his knee. Then we sat with some girls we'd never met before, they were totally in favour of us doing our research though but never taught us how to dance round handbags or to behave like a lady, I think sheep may have liked one of them as he spent sometime explaining to her that she wasnt infact married and must have dreamt the whole engagement and ceremony.

Then it was a trip to the bar for the ultimate test, girls have breasts, ergo they get served first at the bar and get cheap or free drinks on occasion. Sheep and I now had breasts, things were looking up.

sheep - 'How much for a pint of XXXX mate?
barman - '£2.80'
Me - 'I don't think girls call the bartender 'Mate'''
sheep - 'minor detail...how much now?"
*lifts skirt and flashes barman*
barman - '£4.00, or you can get out.. I gotta go wash my eyes'

Next, sheep, who as I said made a rather convincing woman, had his arse groped by a bloke who called him "gorgeous", sheep turns round, whips off his wig and starts to down a pint in a manly fashion. this poor bloke is now faced with a shaven headed drunk and one of the british army's finest. but it gets worse, because this guy is also one of sheeps best mates, to this day I imagine he has very graphic nightmares.

so we got goosed, perved on, and drunk.

Sometimes its hard to be a woman.

Also, please come find me at; www.experienceproject.com

And one for the road;
Since we've been on the topic of gender and sex today, I feel it appropriate to go out as such. I for one, current partner excepted, have dated some girls with truily bizarre turn-ons,as have most of my mates. Problem is, Men are easy to please you can't really go wrong, as where women have ot be all complicated, different and individual.. they also have high expectations, and as a result all of us here at The Hardcore Effect are now actually ranked as "Sex Ninjas", but spare a thought for the poor confused bloke below;