New Rules for Shit Sports

I'm proposing a completely new blog feature- taking the mundane sports we know so well and suggesting new rules that would make them shit hot!
Here are a few ideas to kick us off, starting with football-
1. Hitting the post or crossbar should count as a goal for the other team
2. Diving should count as two goals for the other team (three if your name's Ronaldo)
3. Every pitch should have a "magic dot" at a random location. If the ball touches the dot, that player wins not only the match, but the actual game of football (all leagues would be disbanded)
4. A red carded player has to swap shirts and play for the other team, and he HAS TO TRY...
5. Each team has a tactical streaker that they can deploy at any time

What about cricket? Plenty of sexing up could be done there;
1. Sledging should be encouraged, with powerful microphones to make it audible to everyone in th ground. In the event of a tie, the team with the best sledges wins e.g.
"Why are you so fat?" -"Because every time I shag your wife she gives me a biscuit".
2. Instead of a tea break have an acid break
3. A magic dot on the pitch, ths time linked to an A-bomb. Hitting this dot will spell the end not only of cricket, but of life itself...

That should spice things up a bit! Hit me back with your ideas!