Sunday 1 June 2008

Why I hate shopping

Just a quick lament about one of my pet hates.
Shopping is a very very annoying task that should never be performed by anyone under any circumstances (barring nuclear holocaust perhaps but only if it was a really bad one).

Back last summer, needing some new clothes I went into Topman in Coventry. The centre of my home town is a tense place- teenage mums ferry their 7 kids around, shouting obscenities at them when they play up, scallies lie on leather couches and stare wistfully into the sky, no doubt composing sonnets or haiku, red-faced men with arms like popeye are reluctantly led around by their girlfriends who love this perverse spendathon and the pain it inflicts on their other half...

Anyways, I'd obviously missed a major cultural change because Topman are having some serious stock problems! White plimsolls that Ziggy from Grange Hill would have worn and flimsy shirts that had looked as though they'd been worn by a Viet Cong member who'd been cowering in a shell hole for 12 years, unaware the war was over. I was flabbergasted that I couldn't find any trousers that weren't designed to cut off your circulation or stop ferrets getting in...

Sarcastic tweed waistcoats and gypsy hankerchiefs are great if you're planning to start a Wurzels tribute band, but when that's all you stock you're going wrong...Surely you get other customers apart from circus ringmasters, cockney groundskeepers and Romanian fortune tellers?

I thought to myself in horror- had I suddenly wandered into 19th century Somerset? No wait- this place had laminate flooring which would have been impossible in a pre-industrial economy...I suddenly noticed I was the only guy in the shop with symmetrical hair so I left in disgrace...

New Look was no better. It was full of fluorescent t-shirts with daft slogans like "PUT YOUR HANDS UP" and "I'M A RAVE MACHINE". I'm always suspicious of people who feel they need to boost their cool credentials by advertising their willingness to party... Surely if you dressed like that in Paris, you'd be clubbed with stale baguettes (and rightly so). With a sense of gloom, I trudged home empty handed, apart from the two travel adaptors I'd bought: at least they'll never go out of fashion...
I pose you the following questions-
Why are our clothes shops suddenly turning to shite?
Are they just crazy or am I too much of an old git to appreciate the new 'yoof' trends?
Has the time come for me to buy pipe and slippers?
Is it wrong that I'm glad that France still has C&A?

3 comments:

Dr Brainspiller said...

Get yourself to TK MAXX my friend! All the good shit goes there, that's why all the other high street shops fill up with crap.

Ravi said...

I agree- TK Maxx is often a good option, but you have to sort through a lot of shit as well don't you think? Size 25 shoes, purple velvet trousers, y-fronts with silly slogans on- (rub the lamp and the genie will appear etc)

Benji Hardcore said...

bet the guy who invented the genie pants is rolling in cash these days, :D