As Euro 2008 gets underway, I've set myself the following goals for this week of supporting Germany.
- learn German
- find some German football fans and hang out with them
- replace my normal diet of sauerkraut, brattwurst and pumpernickel with something more German
To kick things off I'm going to give you a brief profile of a few German players to keep your eye on:
JENS LEHMANN- he's big, he's kraut and he'll knock you fookin out. A favourite with Arsenal fans, cock-up artist Jens is great fun to watch. Watch in awe as he hurls the ball into his own net with panache or gets attacked by a gang of pigeons that have set up roost in his goalmouth.
BASTIAN SCHWEINSTEIGER- he'll bamboozle defenders with his mazy runs as well as British commentators who try to pronounce his name. Germany's version of Rooney- an angry red faced little chap, but with a camper hairdo. However, he has his weaknesses- according to an eminent Sky commentator, his left foot couldn't even open a can of beans. Cheers for that pearl of wisdom Murdoch...
TORSTEN FRINGS- less of a name, more of a Danish vacuum cleaner bag manufacturer don't you think?
MICHAEL BALLACK- die fuhrer. Popular with posh cockneys. Good at penalties and getting into fights with guys smaller than him. The official face of the German railway network and if need cheap Adidas trackies or a knock-off Samsung mobile, let him know.
MARIO GOMEZ- as German as beef & Yorkshire pud. Watch his Latin spirit inject some viagra into the flaccid cock that is "German footballing flair".
- learn German
- find some German football fans and hang out with them
- replace my normal diet of sauerkraut, brattwurst and pumpernickel with something more German
To kick things off I'm going to give you a brief profile of a few German players to keep your eye on:
JENS LEHMANN- he's big, he's kraut and he'll knock you fookin out. A favourite with Arsenal fans, cock-up artist Jens is great fun to watch. Watch in awe as he hurls the ball into his own net with panache or gets attacked by a gang of pigeons that have set up roost in his goalmouth.
BASTIAN SCHWEINSTEIGER- he'll bamboozle defenders with his mazy runs as well as British commentators who try to pronounce his name. Germany's version of Rooney- an angry red faced little chap, but with a camper hairdo. However, he has his weaknesses- according to an eminent Sky commentator, his left foot couldn't even open a can of beans. Cheers for that pearl of wisdom Murdoch...
TORSTEN FRINGS- less of a name, more of a Danish vacuum cleaner bag manufacturer don't you think?
MICHAEL BALLACK- die fuhrer. Popular with posh cockneys. Good at penalties and getting into fights with guys smaller than him. The official face of the German railway network and if need cheap Adidas trackies or a knock-off Samsung mobile, let him know.
MARIO GOMEZ- as German as beef & Yorkshire pud. Watch his Latin spirit inject some viagra into the flaccid cock that is "German footballing flair".
And to provoke a bit of healthy debate, here's why Sweden are shit;
- They never invade anyone
- Henrik Larsson cut off his dreadlocks
- Their sandwiches only use one slice of bread
- They take Eurovision too seriously
- Pickled herring were invented in Coventry by Steve P. Herring in 1964, but then the Vikings nicked it.
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