The Germans will win Swede F.A.

There I was, minding my own business listening to Abba's Greatest Hits when Ravi shows up and posts something so ludicrous I choked on my Kopparberg and Absolut chaser.

Mate, the last time someone was as wrong as you've just been, they were arguing the benefits of messing with bees and using them as weapons.

Sweden is responsible for everything good... ever. A lot like me.

Abba are the finest band to have ever walked the earth, which explains why my greatest hits CD is 3 years long. There are just so many poptastic tunes to fit in.
My house is furnished entirely from Ikea, this makes me the most stylish man to have ever lived and provides a great opportunity to display my man skills and knock up a shelving unit or two and still have enough time to sit down for some lingonberry sauce and an ice cold Absolut on the rocks.

Ugly girls don't exist in Sweden, everyone is beautiful and pleasant, which can hardly be said for a nation famed for hairy women and a serious demeanour. In Japan they call the "Jap's eye" the "German's Mouth".. because it never smiles.

For a country awash with gorgeous blonde young ladies, they actually get a lot of work done, Swedish design and architecture are pretty world leading. They are a multi-skilled and inventive race, Take for example Swedish team coach, Lars Lagerbäck.

First off, thats a cool name if ever there was one. The man has also become a tactical genius, this is probably due to his being constantly pissed from tasting and quality testing lager, which he invented. All lager has to be personally approved by Mr. Lagerbäck before being exported and having "brewed in Germany" plastered on it, this is because he's a modest man and doesn't want his brewing genius overshadowing his football campaign.

His team are a top bunch too.

Freddie Ljungberg - A man so hot he makes men wet. I'd say he is probably the most flamboyant and interesting midfielder in the world, he's recently shaved his head becuase he believes the lowered wind resistance will allow him to make fast runs down the wing, and his hair, which is naturally bright red, distracts teammates during set-pieces. He enjoys modelling tight underwear in his spare time, this he wears to prevent bruising to the lovespuds.. a crippling injury which can take months of physio to recover from.

Henrik Larsson - As a Ranger's fan, I can appreciate just how talented this bloke is. Following Freddie's advice has ditched the dreadlocks and given up the rasta lifestyle to increase his on pitch efficency. He's played his way around the world, which means he's picked up lots of valuble skills. He can make fantastic piella, his time in Scotland taught him that when the chips are down and you are a goal behind the best way out of it is to break your bottle of Newcastle Brown in your marker's face and shout "Stitch that, Jimmy!", and lets face it Scotch eggs are a great source of sustainable energy.

Olof Mellberg - Olof is the angriest man in the world, styled to look like a football hooligan rather than a player. His "aggressive negotation skills" recently won him a transfer from Birmingham giants, Aston Villa to Juventus. Known to challenge referees to "A fight to the death", Olof has revealed his favourite weapon for such occasions is the spade.

Petter Hansson - Petter looks like a sex offender. Living in France has given him girly, greasy hippy locks. This shows he has not been attending Mr. Ljungberg's Pre-match aerodynamics lectures. He has now established himself as one of the first choice centre backs for Sweden.

Kim Källström - Kim plays for Lyon, which is quite an acheivement, because he is 8 years old and has a girl's name.

Taking that aside for a moment, he has staggering power in his left foot and has netted 8 times in 55 appearances, more goals than any other primary school aged International footballer. Plays at his best after a glass of milk and a story from Lars on the quiet carpet.