Proving Science Wrong: The Hardcore Theory

Top of the early afternoon to ya.

I discovered something the other day, all geniuses have there own theory or law.

Einstein had the Theory of Relativity, no doubt something to do with incest. Newton had Gravity, and now I have The Hardcore Theory.

The best bit about it is it applies in real life and you can see its effects always. Ever wondered why that girl you really like dates the hooligan with the swastika tattoo who hits her? Ever wondered why you are forever stuck in the friend zone?

Simple, you sexiness and magnetism to the opposite sex varies inversely to your being nice. The nicer you are, the less sexy you become. The more you insult and beat her, the more desireable you become. However, it isn't quite that simple, there are rules.

Firstly, you have to be consistently bad. I don't mean littering and not using your manners, I mean dealing some drugs and beating up someone smaller than you. Driving a car held together with duct tape at 1000mph is also a good way to gain your ladies eye.

Scientists come up with all kinds of crazy reasons as to why some guys attract more girls than others, pheremones, rugged jaw line, being Brad Pitt are all supposed to help. Being funny is a good one allegedly, but allow me to tell you now, it fucking isn't, speaking as a guy who takes very little seriously all that and being nice get you is a string of nice friends.. good for a birthday party, not so good for a sex party.

Since I learned to toughen up a bit from my older softer days, I've not been cheated on once.. which is a marked improvement on my past score of every fucking day.

So proving science wrong.. it isn't about anything other than how badass you are.

Next, you have to give an image that you can be changed.. just a bit. Akon does this quite well. In one song he sings about killing a guy, the next he is in prison saying how truly sorry he is, and how he's nice and sensitive for the right girl.. but push him and he'll shooting your fucking head off.

Its a tough balancing act.

So, you may ask; "How does this apply to me?"

Simple, I have foolproof way to make YOU the most desireable man in the world.

Firstly, you have to be seriously bad, so knock up a few pipe bombs and mail bomb Argos, this also helps with consistency, as you can be consistently bad by hitting a different branch of the chain each week. Next, bad guys with a media name always score more girls. Peter Sutcliffe never got laid, thats why the only time he ever fucked so much as a prostitute, he did it with a ball hammer. Inversely, once he became known as "The Yorkshire Ripper", he got underwear and marraige proposals in the mail almost every day.

I would be called " The Lancaster Bomber" obviously, with me being a bomber from Lancaster. I think its punchy.

Finally, release tapes of yourself saying you could change for the right woman, and bingo, chick city.

Now relax and enjoy a few years in prison and you'll be fighting them off.